Let's Talk Body
HOLY SHIT. Why does NO ONE tell you how much your body will change during pregnancy?! I mean, I knew my stomach was going to grow but I thought the rest of my body was going to stay lean and small. YEA RIGHT. You always hear about how “beautiful” the changes are or how what the human body is capable of doing is so “amazing”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so blessed to have a healthy baby boy, but that doesn’t change how difficult it is to see your body with 35+ extra pounds in such a short period of time. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again… stop comparing yourself to other pregnant women on Instagram. I had such a false expectation of what my pregnant body would look like. Remember, the photos you see on Instagram are the best angles, filters and editing.
At the beginning, all I wanted was my tummy to pop and to start showing. I didn’t really start showing until month 5/5.5. Around month 6 is when I had my first mental breakdown… that was when I had to find a dress to wear for my wedding. The loose flowy dresses made me look even bigger than I was but the tight dresses didn’t zip. Before getting pregnant, I was a size 2… during my wedding I was trying on size 6 & 8. I know a size is just number on a tag, but it can really fuck with your mind and I’m here to tell you it’s SO NORMAL and SO OKAY to have rough days.
Around month 7 I started to get cellulite on my thighs and butt, which is so uncommon for me. I have always had pretty toned legs and never had any cellulite. My hips are SO wide and my thighs brush against each other when I walk. My old jeans can only fit up to my knees and I had to size up in all of my undies. Not to mention, my boobs are HUGE…. like not in a good way. They were already big before getting pregnant (32DD) and I am now barely fitting into a 34DDD. The only things I’m able to fit into are stretchy dresses or leggings and my husbands shirts. It may not seem like a big deal, but clothes and fashion are so important to me so when I have to wear the same 3 things over and over again for 10 months, it really starts to get frustrating. The last thing that I feel like doing is going shopping for clothes because EVERY single time I’m in the fitting room, I get so upset that nothing fits and I leave crying.
There are days where I will just stand in front of the mirror and start crying or will get a full blown anxiety attack. I don’t feel beautiful in any way. It’s hard to get out of bed, it’s hard to walk down the street, it’s hard to put my shoes on. I feel sad pretty much all the time, but I don’t want anyone to know so I just keep it all inside. Then it all bottles up and I have complete meltdowns. I’m trying to keep it together for my baby. I know he feels every emotion I feel, so I try to be positive and tell myself that it’s OK and NORMAL, but its hard as fuck.
I don’t say all of this to sound ungrateful or selfish… I just want to be open and honest so that you know what changes to expect your body to make when you go through pregnancy. So many people can tell you that you’re beautiful or that it’ll all be worth it but when you’re the one going through it and you’re the one carrying around the 30-50 extra pounds, it’s hard to be positive. Not every woman experiences this, and some women experience it even more intense than I do but regardless it IS OKAY to be emotional about it, to get frustrated, to feel uncomfortable in your skin, to scream, to cry but at the end of the day don’t forget to remind yourself that it’s all for the beautiful gift inside your tummy.